I left Waterloo at lunchtime today for a meeting in Camberwell and elected to take the No12 bus. Waited for a short while, bus arrived and sat downstairs at the back.
That's when it started. I heard a noise from the front and outside as the driver was being shouted at to drop the ramp as a woman on crutches was trying to board. The shouting from her friend increased as he eventually shut the exit doors to drop the ramp. Crutches lurched on and mumbled a meek thank you, which astonished me with all the noise that had preceded.
So, off we go, picking up people on the way and we reached Elephant & Castle, where yet more people got on. And if you go there, don't expect an Elephant or a feckin Castle - just a butt ugly shopping centre near a big roundabout.
That's about it.
Then boarded a large African lady who sat in front of me in a group of four seats to complete the set with three older ladies already sitting. She then proceeded to have a most energetic and interesting conversation with no-one in particular, which she then carried on the whole time on the bus.
No-one bothered a jot.
Then, two large ladies got on, one sat and the other stood. The one sitting periodically burst into fits of laughter at nothing in particular and again, lasted most of the journey.
No-one bothered a jot.
On surviving the journey, I walked through Camberwell, marvelling at the shops with fruit I'd never seen before and I shit you not, a shop which seemed to sell nothing but hair dye. Interesting place to walk through, for sure.
Had my meeting, back through Camberwell and onto the bus again and wow, beat the first trip. There were they two ladettes near me who swore more than I did and a school trip - on a feckin No68 - which the teacher was getting all the kids off (as they all rang the bell on their way off) and the driver tried to shut the doors on her, separating her from the kids. Glad to say she made it just in time to savage a lad who was climbing on a wall.
As she got off, Wayne and Waynetta Slob got on and they have not changed a damn bit. It was uncanny how the shell suit and stains had lasted all these years, but there they were.
Then a phone rang and Dom Jolly's Caribbean Granny answered it. 'Hallo! Hallo!' at the top of her voice, or so I thought. Then, 'do you want Cornflakes or All Bran?'
The person on the other end hadn't heard and I can only conjecture that they had been deafened by years of talking with this lady.
Therefore, she repeated it more loudly. Still, no understanding.
Loud enough to make the windows shake, 'do you want the brown box or cornflakes?' By some divine intervention, she got her response and after a very brief ,but loud set of pleasantries she rang off, for which I was very grateful as my ears were on the point of bleeding.
Then on the tube, we had a driver who decided he was going to talk from Waterloo all the way to Marylebone and instead of using phrases such as 'please stand away from the doors', he elected to say 'As you can see, ladies and gentlemen, the safety circuit has been activated, probably due to someone leaning against the doors, or an item of clothing stuck in the doors or maybe some other obstruction and this means that we go a bit more slowly'.
By this time, we were not only on the move but had reached the next station and then he found something else to bang on about.
Can't make it up and after today, there is proof positive that they walk, talk, laugh and shout among us.......
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