Bummed out.

I use the Jubilee line on London Underground to travel between Marylebone and work. In the morning, the tube can get very busy and sometimes when the doors open, especially at Waterloo, the biggest load of fecktards known to man spill on and keep going until there's little space.
On the way home, it's usually a bit less crowded and more pleasant place to travel, spoiled by the more than occasional shagwit.

Tonight, it was a real pain in the derriere.

All was going well, decent space, no stand out shagwit and peace to wind down from the day's work, thoughts filled with getting home. There was even a decent looking girl with a nice dress and no discernible underwear, which was a huge Brucey bonus. I was even in plenty of time to catch a decent time train home with the chance of getting to my train early for a pick of the seats. Result!

Or so I feckin thought.......

The train stopped at Green Park and stayed there for longer than normal and then long enough for it to get annoying. Then we hear that we are being held at lights because of an intruder on the line at Wembley stacked all the trains back, which lead to a partial suspension of the line.

I got on the Victoria Line to Oxford Circus to get the Bakerloo line to Marylebone. Seemed like the whole Jubilee line had thought of this as the platform was rammed. I refuse to get on a train that's rammed or about to be rammed and watched a few trains go with an unholy collection of eejits cramming themselves into spaces you wouldn't think would be possible. There was one sweet moment as a grinning buffoon squeezed on and saw his head was sticking out of the door.....still grinning that smug, gormless grin.

It was wiped off his face sharpish as the closing door smacked him a heck of a shot and as he moved his, there wasn't the space to go where he wanted and it hit again, then a third time before closing on his face. As the train went, I saw what looked like a snotter line on the window and his nose pressed up against the glass in a most unnatural position.

I laughed out loud at the twunt while looking him in the eye.

Got on the train and it was busy but not crammed together, until we stopped at Regents Park, where an Indian family decided to bring two strollers on the train. First I knew was that the guy in front of me backed into me quickly like we were in Parkhurst prison showers and I was the chosen one. If he had offered to buy me a drink or dinner I'd have politely declined his sweet offer but in this, I was a bit of a passenger. The guy next to me was pissing himself as the eejit bent over to get his briefcase out of the strollers way and was backing onto me like a stripper working fucking hard for her tip.....or mine come to think of it.

By this time, the guy next to me was having trouble standing due to hysteria at the sight of me being the unwitting participant in a stealth bum that wasn't so stealthy.

All that, I missed my train, which was delayed due to another slow running train in front, unwillingly received a stand up lap dance, no drink or dinner bought for me and got home late. All due to some numbnuts who decided to trespass on the train tracks, probably as a short cut home.

I hope he electrocuted his nuts and bumhole.