Celeb Week

Started off in surreal fashion this week. Got on the train on Monday and sat next to a guy who was sitting awkwardly, defended the armrest with vigour and was constantly wriggling. Something was niggling me about this fellow passenger as I attempted to ignore his annoying antics and then, it hit me like a thunderbolt:

It was Mr Bean!

The geography teacher look, the hair scraped across his head in choirboy fashion and far away look in the eyes. The constant fidgeting and arsholery just sealed the deal.

Left him behind and got on the tube at Baker Street and pleased that it was quieter than normal. Pulling in to Green Park, then another star got on the train - it was the Indian Mr Bean! Brown geography teacher suit, scraped choirboy hair and the look of a man who was just going to be a royal pain in the arse for the journey. Fortunately, he stood farther away from me.

Then later in the week, travelling home in a reasonably busy train, I became aware of people looking at something. It's very subtle the way that the atmosphere shifts on the tube and on clicking into, you wonder whether someone was standing with a feckin axe behind you because it would probably raise the same response. In this case, it was a famous person on the tube, as it happens.

No other than Renton / Obi Wan-Kenobi himself, Ewan McGregor.

Standing with his wife and daughter, he was crammed into a corner trying to look invisible but the eagle eyed eejits on the train caught sight of him. I got off at Baker Street and he moved to let me off and I thanked him. He then asked me if I was the writer of Arsehead Chronicles and could he get my autograph?

I feel sorry now for telling him to shove it but I didn't want him being a pest.

Lastly, I saw a chap on the carriage who could've been an older and dirtier Catweasel. Tall, grubby, smelly, with a big belly and skinny everything else, wearing sandals and hairy socks. Long grey dirty hair framed his long face and as he smelled out the carriage, he looked at the map, then announced to everyone close by who clearly didn't give a rat's arse, that he was going the wrong way.

He got off and disappeared into the tube system at the next stop but the smell of him lingered to remind us that he had been there.

Two Mr Beans, Obi Wan-Kenobi and Catweasel on the tube in one week. They really were walking among us.