Genetic Experiment

Heading home on Friday on the Jubilee line, there were the usual stinking eejits, the guys who wouldn't give up their seats and when asked by a disabled chap if he could sit down, the woman got up.

Not a single guy got up to offer her a seat and did the standard tube passenger thing of looking like they have got not a clue of what is going on around them. I find it quite appalling to see fit men sitting and not offering seats to others but it is a sad reflection of the downward spiral of standards and manners in the UK.

Now, on this journey home, I saw something that still has my feckin brain scrambled. And this is coming from a guy who saw David Icke on the Southbank, so I've seen some freaky looking nutters.

I turned and was met with this - an average sized man in a black suit with a pointy goatee beard. Not much there, you say but when I tell you that this guy looked the botched experiment which fused together DNA of Emperor Ming the Merciless, Joliet Jake Blues and Zed from MiB. The hair was short, died black, standing up on top and the back of his head was flat.

Completely flat.

Like ironing board flat.

I looked a little closer and around Joliet Jake's pot belly, were the ghosts of lunches, dinners and drinks past. There may even have been a snack or two lurking there too. None in the beard though, which was freaky in itself. It was a goatee but grown long in a Fu Manchu way, minus the whiskers and this, with the standy uppy hair gave him a look of Emperor Ming the Merciless. Real pity that Flash Gordon wasn't round to kick the living shit out of him.

Then, when the little chubby hand came up to stroke the beard, I noticed that the face and the hand were different in colour. Not in a Michael Jackson way but in the sense of his face had seen false tan where his hand hadn't, which again seemed pretty feckin freaky.

Sometimes, I love the tube and London for throwing up these people and giving them a place to just be different to the usual bad attitudes in suits and the BO eejits who inflict themselves on everyone else. On the same journey, I accidently stood on someone's foot and apologised. He just laughed and we had a pleasant conversation about naff all, then went on about our journeys.

They may walk among us and sometimes, they are to be embraced. Good on you, Genetic Experiment Man.